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Last week I shared about the noise and distractors that hinder my walk and I left you with a comment about God reminding me of my First Love, Jesus Christ! Triggered by something I heard on a radio sermon; I started thinking about the first time I really felt the love of God. With feelings of nostalgia, I reminisced about telling my grandmother, that while I have always loved Jesus, I was now in love with Him. Tears streamed down her face in recognition that my heart had changed permanently. The morning following this endearing memory my devotional brought me to Revelation 2:4, “Nevertheless I have this against you, that you have left your first love.” God’s gentle reminders are always orchestrated beutifully. As I reflected to my thoughts the morning before, I meditated on these words, and recognized that God had been telling me to stop looking for the aha moments, to stop depending on my own self-will, and to start leaning on Him instead. In the noise I forgot my first love. I forgot how to be still, how to quiet my soul, how to wait on Him. He is my first love, not only my Creator, but the Creator of the universe. Nothing is too big, too powerful, too hard, too broken for Him to change, set free, heal, or mend. He alone can soften the hardened soul and awaken a sleeping spirit. Nothing is beyond Him! He truly is my All in All and I can do nothing apart from Him. He is the reason for every success, He has a bigger plan and purpose for every trial, He is my strength, my joy, my calm, my reason! He should be the first I go to whether I am planning, celebrating, or grieving. He is my guide through every aspect of life. Too long have I taken this for granted. Too long have I not recognized His amazing grace. Too long have I leaned on my own self will, no wonder I have failed so miserably. Recently, I heard a guest speaker on my favorite podcast share that we should be going to God for everything, down to simplest of tasks such as what store to frequent. But most days I just go through the motions, doing what feels right in the moment, what’s easiest, what makes the most sense. As Angie mentioned in our conversation, “feelings are fickle.” What is easy is not always right, and what makes sense may not line up with what God has planned. God may not always share His plan in detail with us but be assured that He has a plan, and it is perfect. “Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit,” (Romans 15:13). When we walk toward Him, doing the next right thing, we can find joy and peace in His presence; rest in the hope of His plan. Can you remember a moment that you first truly felt God’s love? Hold on to that moment, cherish it, let it serve as a reminder that He is your first love.

In the breeze, on my board, music blasting and I miss it…                 I miss the beauty around                 The sun setting lower                 The ripples in water                 The goose and the gander                 In the noise, the beauty’s unfound In the breeze, on my board, music off and I see it…                 I see the beauty around                 The sun setting lower to crisp orange skies                 The ripples in water with fish splashing surprise                 The goose and the gander shimmying by                 In the stillness, beauty is found My morning walk in the brisk with a podcast and I miss it…                 I miss the tranquil peace                 The breaking of dawn                 The air crisp and calm                 The robin’s song                 In the noise, tranquility doth cease My morning walk in the brisk, with the podcast off and I find it…                 I find the tranquil peace                 The breaking of dawn in brilliant hues                 The air crisp and calm creating a muse                 The robin’s song to a heavenly tune                 In the stillness, lives tranquil peace In my home, in the past with busyness the task and I missed them…                 I missed some special moments            The pitter patter                 The friendly chatter                 The things that matter                 In busyness, I met my greatest opponent In my home, in the past, that I can never take back, perhaps you will find it…                 Find those special moments                 The pitter patter of little feet running by                 The friendly chatter of a child’s delight                 The things that matter most in life                 It is in stillness that memory preserves life’s special moments

“But now ask the beasts, and they will teach you;And the birds of the air, and they will tell you;Or speak to the earth, and it will teach you;And the fish of the sea will explain to you.” (Job 12:7 – 8) Thinking back to my conversation with Angie and the assuredness that God is our accountability partner, I recognize how He has spoken to me about this it the subtlest of ways, through the beauty of His creation. Anyone who knows me well knows that stand-up paddle boarding is a passion of mine; a hobby that takes intentionality with my full summers. This past June, I changed my plans one evening at the last minute, packed up my new board, and headed to the lake. Despite the heat, the water was calm with a gentle breeze, perfect for a paddle. After turning on my “feel good” play list, I noticed how loud it was, but paddled on anyway. When I stopped halfway through to turn the music down something in me said to turn the music off and enjoy the moment in nature. It was in the quiet that I heard the birds sing and the wind rustle in the trees; I watched goslings and ducklings corralled by their parents through the water and enjoyed an occasional splash from a fish jumping. While nothing truly amazing happened, I stayed in the moment enjoying God’s handiwork. This is when I realized how much I have allowed the noise to distract me. Pondering these thoughts through the rest of my paddle, I remembered an unused line I had written a few years back. “This is the result of too much. Too much stimulation, too many expectations, the attempt to have a people pleasing, ladder climbing, high achieving, keeping up with the Jones’s kind of life.” Talk about little foxes! Wow! Here I was looking for stillness and I found noise instead. A chill came over me the next day as I journaled about this experience, the devil knew I was working toward stillness, so he created a roadblock in the most innocent of ways, a playlist of my favorite Christian artists. The Psalmist reminds us to quiet our spirit in Psalm 131:2. “I have certainly soothed and quieted my soul; Like a weaned child resting against his mother, my soul within me is like a weaned child.” Music is beautiful, but it is not always necessary, God created the quiet, He encourages stillness to rest in Him, for this is when we can hear Him the clearest. As I reflect, I do not remember much of my paddle while the music was on; I could not tell you what songs I listened to, or recall anything I saw or heard, or even what I was thinking about. But I still remember the second half of my paddle without the music vividly. Present, in the moment, stilled before God in the middle of His handiwork. Struck by epiphany: Too much of anything produces clutter, distraction, and chaos in our lives. Whether music or bright lights, ambition or busyness; too much creates noise, and noise hinders the soul, it blocks creativity, destroys dreams, and thwarts motivation. It was in this clarifying moment that I really grasped the expression, “too much of a good thing.” Even good wholesome music is not good in excess! But in the stillness, I can find BALM for my soul! As I move away from the noise, God has revealed something else, He has reminded me that He is my first love? What has God whispered to your heart? Please share. I will be posting a bonus post this week as well, be watching for it!

Catch us the foxes, the little foxes that spoil the vines, for our vines have tender grapes. (Song of Solomon 2:15) Last week we explored the importance of accountability from having people who help hold us responsible, to truly being accountable to God. We discussed how feelings can lead us astray and the importance of obedience in our life. Today we are going to pick back up on the conversation with Angie, starting with the role that consistency plays in accountability. “With consistency and accountability, it’s easy to get started and we have good intentions when we start, but life happens, and things get busy or crazy and things change.” Oh, how I can relate to these words, thinking back to my blog last year that started with great momentum, but eventually crashed and burned.  Angie reminds me that there are things we must do to stay healthy – mentally, emotionally and spiritually – as she refers to her givens, the things we must do even when we don’t feel like it. “When I think about accountability, these are my givens no matter what.” “It’s little things… not even sin that spoils what we are trying to go after.” The little foxes that spoil the vine such as distractions that prevent us from growing and keep us complacent. As our distractors cause us to lose track of time, intentionality is out the window and then we are brought back to our “feelings” searching for the ‘feeling’ of motivation. According to Harvard Psychologist Jerome Bruner, “You are more likely to act yourself into feeling than feel yourself into action,” (Quote taken from the 15 invaluable laws of growth by John C Maxwell). Sometimes we have to fake it until we make it.   Most of Angie’s clients know how to lose weight and make healthy choices, but too often the little foxes are preventing them from reaching their goals. This brings them to Angie for a consistent voice in their ears, a reminder to be intentional and accountable, to stay the course. “There are seasons when we need people in our life,” but Angie also warns that there are seasons God wants us to lean to Him. “He is my coach,” Angie shares how the Holy Spirit consistently gives her guidance. “So, when I come back to little foxes spoil the vine, it really comes down to obedience, it’s being obedient. I know I should be doing that, but… And then we don’t.” This brings me back to a conversation that Angia and I had years earlier about how obedience is not just following directions, but how soon we follow those directions. Are we putting it off a few hours, days, weeks, months? How often do we complain that things are not turning out, when months down the road we still haven’t followed God’s direction in our lives? Angie tells us, “There so are many pieces to accountability, it’s not just one thing. The scripture that comes to mind is, ‘But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. (Matthew 6:33).” Accountability is created when we seek the Lord always, making Him our priority. This may be one of the greatest examples of accountability. “If I am seeking Him first consistently, and I’m doing that first, then His promise tells me, He’ll add those things to me.” When we are accountable first to God, this trait will flow naturally into other areas of life. This does not mean, however, that life is going to be easy as mentioned in the last post, “life is just hard.” Angie recently encountered one of her toughest years since getting set free from addiction, despite the struggle, she got up every day and kept going. “Just keep showing up, go to work today, get up, turn on your light so that you can love people and let God use you.” During this time Angie really leaned into worship, “I would leave and turn my worship music on and cry and go back to work.” Like the rest of us, Angie has days when not everything gets done, but she holds onto her givens by prioritizing her time and recognizing that every day will be different, some days will be harder. In her concluding statements, Angie shared that we should be striving to live for God, asking the question, “God am I listening, am I talking to you always, am I paying attention to what you are putting in front of me, am I being obedient?” It is good to have people in our lives that will help keep us on track, but our goal should be to lean to God above all else and do the right thing because it pleases Him; He is our ultimate accountability partner. Through this journey God has been revealing a lot to me about leaning on Him, showing me the distractors and little foxes in my own life, often in the form of noise or clutter. We will examine this more next week. What little foxes are standing in your way?

“So then each of us shall give account of himself to God.” (James 14:1) Have you ever had that person in your life that was willing to have the hard conversations with you? Someone filled with wisdom gained from their own story and struggles. When I prayed for someone to share experiences about accountability one person came to mind. She has overcome many trials and obstacles, walked through the rocky ravines and waterfalls of life, she has called me out in my own nonsense, and she even gets paid to hold people accountable. If you have not met her, I would like to introduce you to Grand Island’s own Health Coach celebrity, Angie Rose. Angie and I go back many years and as I shared with her during our conversation, she played an instrumental role in my own personal growth. When I asked Angie about accountability, she reflected 20 to 30 years back, “Accountability was not something I was good at especially in my addiction; I did whatever I wanted, however I wanted, and never thought about the consequence.” It was not until Angie rededicated her life to Christ that she learned that life is just hard; in her addiction she didn’t have to think about stuff, but after being set free she was able to start facing life’s challenges. Early in her Christian Walk, Angie recognized that her actions came with consequences, “I needed to learn to be accountable,” She said. As she came to better understand this, she learned that she had the opportunity to change outcomes for good which is exactly what she does, not just for herself, but for others who seek her professional guidance. But before she got here, Angie had to go through her own story of growth and accountability. Amidst her addiction and in her early days of recovery, Angie opened-up about a struggle that hindered her accountability. “I felt like a victim, everything was always happening to me,” She explained that she had not yet learned how to take authority over her situations and responsibility for her actions; she didn’t know how to change her trajectory. “I know people who lived that mentality their whole life, they are just not accountable to anything, their own actions or their own word and they are a victim always.” This brought me back to a time that she called me out for this exact thing, it was a pivotal moment in my life as I began to realize that no one else was to blame for my struggles.   While Angie has always been a strong woman; in her addiction she was a strong and rebellious woman, not strong and accountable. When she began to study scripture, she learned that we can all be overcomers, and we all play a part in our choices, a role in our destiny. “That’s when I began working on my own weight, my own issues, and my own addiction.” This is when she learned to live. With few people to teach her accountability she learned to lean on God; His words to her were, “I’m your accountability partner, I am the person you can be accountable to. I’m going to listen, but I’m going to speak as well.” While God placed people to help guide Angie, He also put her in a place of trial and error. “I believe God did that on purpose and I’m okay with that because now I teach other people about accountability all the time, it is part of my business, that’s why people pay me.” But before she could teach accountability, Angie had to walk it, “the only way to get it is to do it and make mistakes and remain committed.” Angie commits to whatever she is going after: change, healing, growth, whatever God puts on her heart. “I post about intentionality all the time because we have a choice on the direction our life goes, it really is about intention.” A reminder from my last post that accountability, consistency, and intentionality live together.  “I am going to intentionally do the things that I’m not feeling like because a feeling is fickle. Feelings come and go quickly.” Our feelings can change in a flash, triggered by a phone call or text, altered by something on TV or Social media. If we make a commitment to anyone even ourselves it does not matter how we are feeling, we should do it anyway. “I’m going to do what’s right because its right and because it’s going to get me from point A to B to Z.” As I reflect on these words, I am reminded that I too will give an account to God for my life, and I am challenged me to identify what commitments my actions demonstrate and what commitments I want to demonstrate. I encourage you to do the same and hope that you will share what God reveals to you. Next week we will continue this conversation with Angie as she shares about the little things that can lead our lives astray.

Blind Pharisee, first cleanse the inside of the cup and dish, that the outside of them may be clean also. Matthew 23:26, NKJV Last week I left with the promise of a deeper dive, this is still my intention, but I do not know where to start. My last post felt forced, and I was not entirely happy with it; there was more to say, but I could not unjumble my thoughts. As I write about being consistent, accountable, and intentional, I struggle with the layers of shame, bad habits, and self-destructive patterns to whittle through, but God. The other morning, God reminded me to take my time in the strangest of ways. It was during my prayer and reflection after reading my morning devotion that I started thinking about the dark film often left inside my coffee mug coming out of the dishwasher. As I thought about running a sponge or scrub brush inside the mug first, I realized that my mind had wandered off, or had it? Jesus was speaking to the Pharisees when He told them to clean the inside of the cup. In this metaphorical demonstration, Jesus was not only addressing the hypocrisy of the Pharisees, with their high expectations and focus on appearances. He was pointing out that they did not take their time. They may have known scripture, but they did not take the time to understand it. If they had, they would have recognized Jesus and glorified Him rather than condemning Him. I too need to take time, time to clean the inside of the cup, time to memorize scripture, time to hear the Holy Spirit speak. In this microwave culture of instant gratification, we want instant change. “And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart,” (Galatians 6:9). Change takes time, bad habits are created over time, and it takes time to undo and unlearn them as we build stronger, better habits. Consistency is where I am at with these habits, pushing through and moving forward even when my writing is not up to par. I was frustrated and struggling when I was building this site, I still do not know how to add the subscribe button. Thankfully, Scott reminded me that I needed to start somewhere, he shared how Youtubers often start with poor quality videos, but through patient endurance, the quality improves. So, as I remain consistent, I hope to look back a year from now and see the growth in the quality of my posts and in the engagement of my readers. This will not happen without accountability, it is just too easy to say, “I tried,” “I’m done,” “it’s too hard.” While I have felt this way often, accountability does not make provisions to throw in the towel. It drives us to keep going through the hills and valleys. Again, I am reminded of my conversation with Jenny and how we like the Pharisees put too many expectations on ourselves. We may need to start slow; the important thing is that we start. Intentionality brings it altogether as we purpose in our hearts to not go through the motions of life but put thought and prayer into every word we say, every choice we make, and every action we take. To follow through even when we don’t feel like it, always working toward the next right choice. These characteristics live together, they mesh and overlap, you cannot achieve one without another. Each of these traits plays a role in memorizing scripture, just as scripture plays a role in developing these traits. “Therefore, you shall lay up these words of Mine in your heart and in your soul, and bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes,” (Deuteronomy 11:18.) Scripture is where character development was created, it is the handbook for life. As I clean the inside of the cup, I will strive to be consistent, attain accountability, live intentionally, and memorize scripture – I know that over time my resolve will strengthen, and these practices will grow into the essence of who I am. If it feels like you have been going through the motions of life start small. What is one habit you can change today? Or one bible verse you can memorize? I hope you will share both your successes and struggles so that we can celebrate together and lift one another up in prayer and encouragement. God bless you, my friends!

Hello my friends! As I embark on this new journey, I am already seeing a difference in how I feel, in both my productivity and decision making. Slowly, I am finding habits and creating space in my life to follow the dreams that God has imbedded in my heart. Consistency must start somewhere, why not here? The long-standing joke between my husband and I is that the only thing I am consistent at is being inconsistent, and tears spring to my eyes in deep emotion as God reveals that this is not only untrue, but words are powerful. Jesus tells us in Matthew 12:36 – 37, “But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.” Our words breathe life into our thoughts; when I confess that I am inconsistent in all things, then I will not try to be consistent in anything. Friends, this is a tactic from the enemy to hinder us. It may start small and innocent like this joke with my husband, but easily spins out of control, reminding me to be intentional with my words. As I purpose in my heart to be intentionally consistent, God reveals the areas of my life where I have successfully reached this target. Daily I read my bible and spend time in prayer before God. My dogs are walked on a regular basis throughout the year: winter, spring, summer, or fall. Church attendance is not an option and my relationships with my children and husband hold a high priority in my life. While I still have lots of room for improvement, reflecting on these few serves as a reminder that being consistent is about making choices. Consistency is not, however, doing the same things day in and day out, building mundane routines. According to Merriam-Webster, being consistent is: “marked by harmony, regularity, or steady continuity: free from variation or contradiction.” In other words, consistency means being there when I said I would be there, finishing what I said I would finish, living with integrity. As Jenny shared, “consistent people are reliable people.” Consistent people do not need to justify their actions or lack thereof. Justification is another area that has held me back: “I don’t feel well,” “I’m too tired,” “I forgot,” “I was too busy,” and the list continues. Another reminder to be careful with my words. Jesus warns against this type of reasoning in Luke 14, the parable of the great supper. A rich ruler invites the guests to dinner, but they all have excuses not to go. In the end, they missed an opportunity. God does not want us to miss opportunities. He may convict our hearts, but He also fights the battle with us and for us! What a beautiful revelation, we are not alone in this. “Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you,” (James 4:7). God warned Cain in Genesis 4:7 to rule over sin, if this was not possible, God would not have declared it. Through Christ all things are possible. As I strive toward these convictions, I must put excuses to death and walk with consistent and intentional accountability. Next week we will dig a little deeper. Thank you for taking the time to read this post, it is my hope that you find it easy to read, relatable, and inspiring.  Please share your comments, questions, and ideas. God bless you!

“Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord and not for people,” (Colossians 3:23) Last week I shared from my heart some struggles, goals, dreams, and plans as I invited you and others along for the journey. A journey that overlaps characteristics I am striving toward and habits I am changing. Today as we begin processing the first phrase in BALM, Bee consistent, we will take a glimpse of a conversation I had with my dear sweet cousin, Jenny Champion of consistency! 😉(pun intended) Throughout her adult life, I have watched Jenny live consistent in how she works, consistent in how she parents, consistent in bible studies she hosts, workouts she led, and family gatherings she organized. Her yes is yes, and her no is no. She never leaves room for interpretation, you always know where you stand with her, but above all Jenny truly demonstrates what it means to be salt and light of the world, she doesn’t just talk about Jesus, she lives for Jesus. “It is how I live life, it is who God created me to be, It is who I am.” While Jenny shared that consistency has always been a part of her life, a God given strength, she also revealed a time in her life when she was not dependable. She was not walking with Jesus and had lost those characteristics that make her so unique and special. In the chaos, her own mother hardly recognized her; but God still gave her grace through her younger two children who do not recall this time in her life. Jenny shared that she could not get out of her chaos until she submitted to Jesus. “When I started my women’s bible study, that’s when I started being intentional about being consistent.” As she referred to making “intentional” her focus word for the year.  Jenny also read something on a group page she had joined about being consistent so that people can depend on you, this stuck with her as she began leading both women’s bible studies and workout classes. This led to us to the topic of living intentionally in other areas of our lives. How easy it is to tell someone you will pray for them but forget later. Wouldn’t it be better to stop and pray right there? Are we reading our scripture daily or is it hit and miss? Jenny tells us, “Studying the word daily is so important, after you do it consistently, it becomes first priority and everything else comes second.” We joked about telling our kids they would have to wait to go to the ER for a broken arm until after we read the bible. But in all seriousness, we both agreed that life feels dysfunctional without the word. For those of you who are struggling in this area, “It is not too late until you are in the grave” Jenny shared as she talked about people putting too much expectation on themselves and I am reminded how often I overcomplicate life, trying to make too many changes at once. If you have not been reading your bible consistently, reading it in a year is a lofty goal, maybe start with reading five minutes a day instead. As Jenny puts it, “Find a way to build a habit.” When I asked Jenny about accountability, she shared how important it is to find what works. “What keeps you accountable?” She asks. Jenny finds accountability through her discipleship ministry and social media platforms; she reads the word daily on social media, but this would overwhelm me. She also sends a daily text to a woman in her discipleship class as a reminder to read the bible. While the text has worked beautifully for this woman, Jenny admits that is would be less likely to work for her. As intentional and consistent time in the Word lead to memorizing scripture, Jenny and I wrapped up our discussion.   With the word sealed on our hearts and minds, we are better prepared to give Jesus our best. “When I think about doing my best, I always try to go back to how we are always supposed to be working for the Lord, everything we do is supposed to be for the Lord.”  Back to setting small attainable goals toward growth. “It should be our goal as Christians to do everything according to Christ,” Jenny continued to explain that if we are really doing that, we need to figure out what the word is saying and how it is telling us to live our lives. Are you living your best life for Jesus? Please leave your comments, questions, and feedback as I encourage you to engage throughout this journey.

Hello friends, I have missed you! I have missed writing! Somehow, six weeks turned into six months; that was not my intention and I wish that I could share that I spent it all praying, fasting, walking obediently in the word of God, but that simply is not true. I have struggled to stay motivated, to keep my commitments, to just live life. Most people do not see the struggle inside, but I feel it daily. When last I wrote to you, I was working toward stillness, this practice has improved during my morning prayer time, but it has not been great in my daily life. How often my mind wonders when someone is speaking to me, or I turn to TV and food rather than silence before God. I argue with my husband instead of thinking through the real issue or I just make excuses for why something did not get done. Even as I write this I am struggling. “I don’t want to write, I don’t want to get my house back in order or organize my life.” I do truly want these things, but I am fighting the flesh, and it has won so often these past months, past years even that the battle is tough. As I have always told my children, “Nothing good ever comes easily,” and I am ready to fight the good fight with Jesus at my side. I am done waiting for tomorrow, waiting until I feel better, waiting until I am motivated. If I continue to wait – tomorrow may never come, I may never feel better, and motivation may never last. Thankfully, I do not have to do it alone. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me,” (Phillipians 4:13). Of my own will and strength, I cannot do it, but I serve the God who can! Over these past weeks, I have pondered how achieve and maintain change, without getting to ambitious I have listed some steps. Be consistent: “And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.” (Galatians 6:9) Jenny Champion – confirmed Attain accountability: “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” (James 5:16) Angie Rose Live intentionally: “Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.” (Philippians 4:8) Rosemary Osborne Memorize Scripture: “For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.” (Hebrews 4:12) Angie Franks Did you notice the acronym, BALM? One definition for this word from Merriam-Webster is “an aromatic preparation (such as a healing ointment)”. Sometimes we have to endure the pain before the balm can soothe. This is where I am at right, enduring the pain, but knowing that peace is near. We read in Psalm 30:5, “Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning,” (NLT). Perhaps, you are having an inner struggle as well, or maybe life is just hard right now and you need encouragement to keep moving. Wont you join me through this journey. Through the next few weeks, I will be unpacking the steps one at a time, with the help of people who demonstrate each of these each of these characteristics well!     4 min read